What if Singapore political parties were a beer style

[Photo credit: Priscilla Chia]

 

It’s election season in Singapore, and what better way to stoke up the party mood than to compare our political parties to beer styles?

After many hours of considering party ideologies over countless pints of beers, here’s what we came up with:

People’s Action Party – German Weissebier

The making of the classic weissbier (or “white beer”) – also known as hefeweizen, weizenbier, weisse, or wheat ale – is guided by the Reinheitsgebot, or the German purity law, which limits the ingredients to water, hops, yeast and malt, much like how candidates from the incumbent party seem to be cut from the exact same mould.

But that sameness doesn’t stop it from being one of the most popular beer styles in Singapore, and can be counted on to deliver the goods and quench your thirst anytime.

Workers’ Party – Belgian Witbier

Just like how the Workers’ Party is sometimes accused of being “PAP lite”, the Belgian sibling to the German wheat beer is only just marginally less popular than the weissbier and is similarly refreshing on a hot tropical day.

The Belgian witbier though is not held back by a purity law, and is typically made with the addition of citrus peel as well as spices such as coriander seed – you can always count on the Workers’ Party (pictured above) to add some spice to any general election.

Singapore Democratic Party – India Pale Ale

Like the Western liberal ideals this party generally adopts, the India Pale Ale (IPA) first originated in England but in recent times taken root strongly in the United States.

The heavy use of hops in IPAs gives plenty of flavour and sizzle, but can also be used to mask defects in a beer. And like the Singapore Democratic Party the IPA can seem just somewhat one-dimensional with its reliance on hops, hops and more hops.

Reform Party – English Bitter

Just like the Reform Party the traditional English bitter, or English pale ale, is always harkening back to the good old days – which wasn’t really all that good if one is to be honest.  These days it spends its time raging against other beer styles that has superseded it in popularity.

And we’re so totally not referring to the accent and disposition of a certain Secretary-General.

Singaporeans First – Export Stout

The export stout can be commonly found in the mornings at kopitiams and hawker centres around Singapore in the hands of angry old uncles that this political party generally appeals to. It’s dark and bitter, much like their general countenance.

As for their views on immigration and foreign talent? Export them all, as they would say.

National Solidarity Party – Bretted Saison

The saison is a farmhouse ale that’s normally fruity in aroma but generally dry and earthy on the palate. Brettonomyces, on the other hand, is a form of wild yeast that brewers get all excited about, and are fearful of, at the same time.

The problem with brettonomyces is that it’s extremely volatile and doesn’t play nice with others, and can infect and spoil a beer. But when it does play nice, you can end up with an incredibly alluring and sexy nectar of the Gods like what NSP had in the 2011 General Elections in Nicole Seah. Unfortunately, the current batch seems to have attracted some off flavours, and not the good kind.

Singapore People’s Party – Irish Dry Stout

The traditional Irish dry stout may not appeal to everybody but is exceedingly well-loved by its small group of core supporters. It also has an incredibly rich history, like what SPP has in party leader and opposition veteran Chiam See Tong.

But the problem with this dark horse is that it’s getting old, and like Guinness draught it’s really only one brand – Chiam – that people are really familiar with and fond of.

Singapore Democratic Alliance, Democratic Progressive Party, People’s Power Party – Lager/Pilsner

Call them what you will – pilsener, pilsner, Euro lager, light lager – these are really just a lot of fizz and not much flavour.

opposition

 

PS: Dear authorities, SpiritedSingapore.com is a non-partisan, non-political website that covers alcohol news in Singapore. This post is purely tongue-in-cheek, so please don’t shut us down.